The result of all changes
by paranoid woman
Summary: NOW COMPLETE! This is an insight to the changes Colby Granger has experienced during season 4, and the result of this process.
1. The consequences of losing perspective

**Title:** The consequences of losing perspective  
**Series**: _The result of all changes_, part 1/3  
**Characters:** Colby.  
**Rating:** T (I think, but if I should rate it M, just tell me and I will)  
**Spoilers:** All seasons.  
**Summary:** Insight to Colby's reasons to do what he did during season 4.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**A/N:**__ This was written for the __savecolby__ community at Livejournal, because of the __1 Year Later – Anniversary Challenge__._

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_**THE RESULT OF ALL CHANGES**_

**Part 1 – The consequences of losing perspective**

Even if he had tried to take things with a positive view, he was sure that the last year had changed his life in several ways. There was no veil that could cover his eyes from seeing everywhere the signs of the process.

In the last years, he had hated Dwayne so much for having messed up his mind. He couldn't stop the doubts about what was true friendship and what wasn't. A long time ago, that man had been the only person he could trust. They had helped each other to survive in Afghanistan, learned to lean on each other like they were an extension of their own bodies.

As the long, stressful days passed, they had slowly built a bond that would join them forever, for good and for bad. Because when Colby and Dwayne were fighting together in the Middle East, they had shared their fears about being killed, about seeing people get hurt… and being forced to become the cause of serious damage themselves.

Dwayne had sworn thousands of times that after all that he had been through during war, he would probably get too traumatized to have a normal life when he was sent home. He had said that he would always need his friend Colby to calm his nerves, someone who truly understood what was going on inside his head since they had both been out there in the field, been each other's stability for months.

But after they had been told to abandon the conflict area, there had been very few attempts to get together again. Maybe it had been the overwhelming sensation of being at home. Maybe it had been the efforts to try to forget about everything they had seen, heard or done. Or maybe it had also been the pressure that each man felt of being aware that someone else knew about his secrets and as a result had complete power over his life and emotions.

There weren't terrible things that Colby and Dwayne had done and confessed each other. They had shared sweet stories about their childhood, trying to pretend they were safe and warm at night, they had shared several experiences related to their families when they missed them; they had even told each other about some innocent embarrassing secrets in regard to the romantic aspects of their past.

And yet, that level of intimacy seemed to be the deepest they had ever shared with anyone before.

People say war changes the way of thinking of the men and women that participate in combat. They say that strong relationships are created when they are surrounded by horror and pain. But they don't talk about what happens to those soldiers after the fight is over. They never explain that sometimes those bounds provoke people to change their minds so dramatically that at some point they become someone who is able to do things they would have never imagined before.

That was exactly what had happened to Dwayne first. He had lost perspective and Colby had to go and clean up the mess. Colby hated that it had required him to betray his partner. He had regretted so much that their story had taken the horrible path that it had; and at the same time, he knew that it was the only option.

He would have never been able to participate in what Dwayne was doing. He would have never agreed to join his madness. And he had taken his decision to blow his friend's cover and restrain his liberty.

The most ironic little detail was that even after all the suffering Dwayne had brought into his life and all the trust issues he had grew into his partner's heart, Colby got the nerve to put himself in the same disappointing position… And he did it less than a year later from the moment Dwayne had been taken down by the FBI.

He hadn't thought about the consequences when he had agreed to be a triple agent. All he wanted to do was serve his country, not thinking about Dwayne anymore, because that would mean that all the slightly good experiences he had had during war hadn't meant anything, that it had been all a lie, and that there wasn't one single moment he could really treasure from those years in Afghanistan.

After a lot of deep thinking, later Colby had discovered that that was the reason why he had accepted the undercover mission. There had to be a way to recover his passion for duty, there had to be an incentive that made him realize that it hadn't been all in vain.

But when the members of his very team got their hands on him and took him down like a criminal, he finally saw the big mistake he had made. His spirit was torn apart by the looks on his friends' faces, mainly because he had built a bond with them without even noticing it. Colby had spent so much time trying to recover from Dwayne's actions, and restraining himself from letting people discover that he had been lying for so much time, that he had lost the ability to realize when people became an important part of his life.

So when he was there seated at that interrogation table, with Don by his side looking disappointed, and David yelling at him, Colby had thought it was all lost. His partners had trusted him and he had let them down. He had wasted everything he had gained in two years.

And suddenly, it all changed when he was on that ship as a hostage. The needle of that syringe held by such fearless hands, trying to inject a mortal substance inside his body… _Dwayne giving up his own life to help him_.

That was the answer he needed. The proof that Colby hadn't been that wrong when had considered Dwayne his best friend. But it was such a shame that this demonstration of loyalty had taken such a horrible sacrifice.

Before passing out, Colby had to handle the need to scream because of everything that had happened. Dwayne was still a good person at some level, and Colby couldn't do anything to save him.

And thenhe realized that his team would come to take him home. If Colby himself could trust in Dwayne again, then Don, Charlie, Amita, Larry, Megan and David would probably believe him and give him a second chance. If he was lucky enough.

Faith was kind because it recognized that all that Colby had done was because of the search of something true that he could hold on to.

The needle got under his skin and it made him pass out. He didn't know what had happened on until he woke up in the hospital, full of scars, bad memories, and regrets. Because even if he was saved by his team, he suspected things would never be the same again. And he was right.

Since then, he had tried to swallow everyone's looks and do his best to catch the criminals that appeared every day. He had made efforts to get close to David again, but it had always seemed that it wasn't going to work. He had even tried to help Charlie to get himself together during the Bonnie Parks case, and it had been very hard for him to get a good response from the mathematician. He had had to deal with ghosts from his past that reminded him some of the worse tasks he had to take care of when he was still in the Army.

Colby had also participated in risky missions, threw himself at dangerous rivers and exposed himself to big explosions. It was his way to tell everybody that he was going to give his life on the field for his friends, that he was trying his best to turn back time, even if he knew it wasn't possible.

Because all he wanted was having the ones he loved by his side, getting the sensation of being appreciated and the joy of knowing that some people cared about him back, all these things he had lost because of Dwayne, and recovered a little when he had died. But what Colby needed the most was to recover the feeling of not being alone ever again.

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them.**_


	2. The efforts to show one's worth

**Title:** The efforts to show one's worth  
**Series**: _The result of all changes_, part 2/3  
**Characters:** Colby.  
**Rating:** T (I think, but if I should rate it M, just tell me and I will)  
**Spoilers:** All seasons.  
**Summary:** Insight to Colby's reasons to do what he did during season 4. Now we get to see how things started to get better for Colby after "The Janus List" and "Trust Metric".

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**A/N:**__ This was written for the __savecolby__ community at Livejournal, because of the __1 Year Later – Anniversary Challenge__._

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_**THE RESULT OF ALL CHANGES**_

**Part 2 – The efforts to show one's worth**

It had been so hard for Colby to get up every single morning and tell himself that he had to keep going… that there was a chance for him to get something similar to a satisfactory life.

He used to spend his mornings seated at the table staring at his coffee. It looked black and not promising at all, just the same way he imagined his day would be.

Then there was the process of getting dressed and hiding his fears and regrets behind a poker face. He practiced it in front of the mirror before leaving his apartment. It allowed him to breathe when he was surrounded by gossip and heavy looks that pointed out how much he had let everyone down.

Colby hated the way that Don and the rest of the team treated him, but he couldn't blame them. They didn't trust him, and they had their reasons. He couldn't stop feeling he still had so much to prove.

How could those fragile bonds be restored? Colby had no answer for that… except to simply give it time. Only an indefinite number of hours had the chance to change his situation for good, if he actually deserved it.

The memory of having found his desk empty the first day he had returned to the FBI often overwhelmed him, made him feel that people had cut him out of their lives. Their eyes would always be focused on Colby's actions, trying to figure out what his true intentions were, no matter what he did.

But what hurt the most was the distance that separating him from David. It had been so difficult for Colby to trust someone again, and his friend wasn't thrilled to be his partner anymore, even if Colby was considered a hero as well as a very good actor.

The fact that Don had tried to take David's place in a long stakeout had been a very awkward move. It was the sign that everybody was aware of David's turning away from Colby, and, even worse, their boss was trying to be the one to fix their relationship because he felt pity for Colby.

That night, with Don seated by his side on the car, waiting for a suspect to appear, Colby had seriously considered taking the other job the FBI had offered him because of the success of his mission. And even if Don tried to be supportive, if Colby didn't have his friends' total trust, remaining a team member didn't seem to be the best choice.

And yet, something told him that he had to try. He had asked Don to check with the others is his presence at the office was OK. If they said that it wasn't, then nothing would change for Colby, who had very little hope at the moment. But if he was welcome, at least for some time, as a test period, he would try. He would try as much as he could.

Before he got his answer, someone had left the fishing lure his father had made for him on his desk. The meaningful gift had been lost, and a kind soul had got it back to L.A all the way from Quantico. That was the beginning of the light at the end of the tunnel. That was all he needed to get the courage to start over.

Since then, it had seemed that David was willing to give him a second chance. Not only were they working as partners, slowly becoming tight friends again, but their relationship was becoming stronger for all that had passed between them. And the look in everybody's eyes when Colby arrived on scene was slowly beginning to change.

He had to take advantage of the few positive vibes people kept sending him. The only way he could prove how much he was committed to his team was to devote himself to his work, giving it every last bit of energy he had.

Jumping from roof to roof with no safety device. Putting himself at great risk of getting really hurt, not once but several times. Letting his body fall from a second floor onto the top of a moving vehicle, even knowing that he would likely be thrown onto the road.

He gave his all in the field, and he got a positive response from his team. He would always remember Don's words. "Welcome back, brother. 302s on my desk by eight, right?" There wasnothing better than the warm faces of the people he cared the most about letting him know that they were actually trying to make him feel appreciated. Especially David's slightly happy smile... it had almost brought tears to Colby's eyes.

But he knew his efforts shouldn't stop there. He needed to keep doing his best, he had to show everyone that he was still a valuable asset, as well as a good person. So he continued to put himself in danger, case after case, not caring if he got hurt or died. And while he did it over and over again, he found out that there was someone else that really believed in him.

Sometimes Don and David talked about how much Charlie had trust Colby during the Janus List case. When the team had asked the mathematician what result his trust metric analysis had given, he had simply responded, "Nothing that we don't know already in our hearts." Again, Colby hadn't realized that he had made another friend. But the good news was that he was aware of that now.

Colby and Charlie had shared their fears and expectations in regard to their jobs during the Bonnie Parks case. Even if Colby had encourage Charlie to talk about what he had been thinking about when he was in the car chase, it had been the mathematician the one to show Colby that he trusted him enough to confess it all to him. And with that, Charlie had definitely helped Colby to find his equilibrium again.

So he had recovered one friend, and gained another in the process. He hadn't forgotten Dwayne, but the new bonds he was creating were a very good incentive to try to leave the pain behind.

A pain that was still in his heart, but that could start to heal if he kept going. The words were constantly on loop in his head, a mantra for when he couldn't summon the strength for even one more step. _Keep going, Colby Granger. Keep going. Fate is tricky, but it seems it's started to consider you still worth saving._

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them.**_


	3. The process of becoming a believer

**Title:** The process of becoming a believer  
**Series**: _The result of all changes_, part 3/3  
**Characters:** Colby.  
**Rating:** T (I think, but if I should rate it M, just tell me and I will)  
**Spoilers:** All seasons.  
**Summary:** Insight to Colby's reasons to do what he did during season 4. In this last part we get to see the result of all changes.

**Feedback:** Yes, I love it! Please, READ & REVIEW.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it.  
**Beta:**_Thanks to my lovely beta._

_**A/N:**__ This was written for the __savecolby__ community at Livejournal, because of the __1 Year Later – Anniversary Challenge__._

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_**THE RESULT OF ALL CHANGES**_

**Part 3 – The process of becoming a believer**

Months had passed by since he had been discovered as a triple agent. And all the suffering had been worth. Time had restored the relationships he had treasured so much during the last years.

The memory of Dwayne was still inside his head; the ups and downs of their friendship would never be forgotten. But now things were clearer than before and Colby's situation had slowly got better.

There was Don treating him like one of his agents again, gladly letting him intervene in the FBI operations and appreciating everything Colby did week after week. Colby was appreciated for the long hours he spent doing research and finding connections between suspects.

Megan was such an understanding person too. Colby was sure that she hadn't only figured out the war going on inside his head back then to make him take his last decisions, but that she also had always had the right word at the right moment. Every single coffee she had brought Colby to help him work had been a signal that she supported him and believed in him.

On top of that, Colby had won David's trust again. Maybe things were a little different now, but it wasn't in a bad way. So what if they didn't have so much to talk about during the stakeouts. Silence between the two of them was welcome and enjoyed by Colby. It meant to him that there was nothing, _absolutely nothing_, they hadn't already told each other. No more secrets, no more lies. No more doubts about their friendship.

Every time Colby thought about David, it was impossible for him to avoid the images of Charlie appearing in his head. He still had no idea about how that bond had come up, but he was glad that he had it in his life. The feeling of being at CalSci was something that had started to thrill him, because he had never expected it to be so natural.

When he had started to work with the team a year ago, he had considered Charlie to be the weirdest person he had ever met. Colby remembered well the first time he had entered Charlie's office and found him working on the equations that were written on the blackboard. There were papers everywhere, and also clocks, files, books and strange experiments. And yet, the ambience was fascinating. Knowledge popped out from every corner of the room, bringing the idea of continuing his studies someday into Colby's mind.

However, work had gotten in the way and absorbed his time. He had lost perspective and then he had devoted himself to get his friends back. And he had succeeded.

Now there was more time for Colby to explore his analytic abilities. He was slowly making progresses on his arguments and ideas, turning them into deep and sophisticated tools to guide his steps during the investigations.

He loved sharing his suggestions with Charlie, as well as hearing him say that those were taken seriously. That encouraged him to keep growing in intelligence and hope.

The fact that in some strange way he had learned to understand Larry was even more incredible. Colby had never thought that would be possible. But even if he still didn't get how Larry had won Megan's heart, he was sure that the physicist was a very interesting person to have around.

And that wasn't all. Amita and Liz, two women he didn't know much, had become kind partners to him. Charlie and Don's father had done the same thing. It was nice that even the people who weren't so close to Colby were willing to give him a second chance.

So if all of that had happened, then… did that thing called "the impossible" actually exist? It seemed that miracles had taken over Colby's life and guided him all the way.

In the end, everything had turned out to be ok. Time continued passing by, but it seemed to have gone backwards. To some extent, it was like if Larry's ideas about the possibilities of time traveling were coming true in front of Colby's eyes.

Nowadays he didn't have to wear his mask anymore. He could spontaneously laugh and smile when he and his friends gathered together for dinner. He could cry and show the scars he still carried in his heart when a memory of the war came up because of a case.

And every time he came out of the FBI quarters with files in his hands and his cell phone ringing because of an call from his boss… every time he felt the sun shining up in the sky, its warmth over his body… he put his sunglasses on his nose and he knew that he was doing his best. He was sure that people had responded to his efforts to be forgiven because they loved him against all odds. It had been a hard process, but… he had to admit that he had become a different person than the Colby Granger he used to be. He had become a _believer_.

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_**A/N: PLEASE READ AND REVIEW, 'CAUSE FEEDBACK IS LOVE. I'll try to respond all your comments because I really appreciate that you take the time to submit them.**_


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